Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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