True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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