Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
