After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
