i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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