im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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