So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
