i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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