yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
