I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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