apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
