I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
