I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
