oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize