Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
