i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
