i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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