If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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