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Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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