just come out here and I will go home with you...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
