For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize