well you can't waste a boner
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
