Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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