Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
