If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
