That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
