i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
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