I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
