Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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