i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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