put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
