i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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