# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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