the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
