the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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