i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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