i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
