i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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