Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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