? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
porn star boner night. come get it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
