i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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