Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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