Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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