before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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