there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
