I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My ATM looks so different sober.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
