The maid of honor just puked.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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