i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
