i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
