Your face is a jimmy john
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
