maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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