i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
