you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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