do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
