I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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