fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
