Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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