yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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