Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
