hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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