So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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