A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize