note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
