you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
