i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
my liver is dry heaving
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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