We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I looked at my own cervix.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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