We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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