So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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