I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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