Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
