tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
