My friends, they love my intelligence
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
