I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
