My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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